Wednesday, 18 February 2015

Guest Post: "I took him for a haircut..." by Caroline Saunders of The "Hood" Club

I'm a mum of two gorgeous little boys, 3 and 6 months - both pickles in their own right.

My husband and I moved to Australia about 18 months ago where we have been lucky enough to establish some good rootes and we are starting to feel settled. We are both originally from the South East of England, Kent but left in search of a more outdoor lifestyle which we have certainly found here.

My husband runs a tour business and I am writing a children's book whilst continuing my hobby of writing poems and parodies for adults. I'm hoping to maybe publish some of them in the future so "liking" my page may help me when selling myself to potential publishers or magazines if I ever take my poems down this route.

The main aim however is just for people to be able to read my poems and laugh at life. Those with kids can laugh with us and those without can laugh at us. Because laughter really is contagious. Let's brighten up Facebook and the struggles of parenthood.

Join "The Hood Club" and smile today!

I took him for a haircut...

I like to think
I can cut my sons hair.
But my hubby informs me
I'm not quite there.

"Look I did layers.
Doesn't it look great?"
"It looks like a pudding bowl."
"Don't exaggerate!"

So I drove to the hairdresser
through stubborn gritted teeth.
My son was so scared
he shook like a leaf.

"This will be fun.
Let's cut your hair!"
My son looked straight at me
With a horrible glare.

The first hurdle was
getting him in that big chair.
How should I entice him
to sit nicely there..?

"Here's a lolly.
and a little iced bun."
Then she plunged at him with clippers
on a number one.

"Erm...Stop! What ya doing?
I asked for a trim."
The panic rose up me
and really set in.

"Just short at the side please
and still long on top."
Hair was now sticking
to my sons lollipop.

"Mum it tastes yuck!"
He let off a sneeze.
I tried to distract him
with my front door house keys.

His hands looked like yetties
from where the hair stuck
to his young sticky fingers
just my rotten luck.

So I pull out his iPad.
"Look, Ben and Holly"
That worked so much better
than a sticky old lolly.

A pang of guilt hit me
as his locks hit the floor.
An emotion unexpected.
One I couldn't ignore.

Was it an attachment
to my sons golden hair?
I'd made each one of those
and she didn't even care.

She kept on chopping
and I felt quite ill.
To my surprise
my son sat so still.

He marvelled at his reflection.
Proud of his new hair.
Beaming with joy
and hardly a care.

A success in the end
I rather suppose.
"That's 25 dollars please"
I stood there and froze.

25 dollars?
I think that's a lot...?
And he'll only get bed hair
when he wakes from his cot.

But I paid the money
and ran out the door.
Dreading the time
I would visit once more.


Copyright (c) Caroline Saunders

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Thursday, 8 January 2015

Nappies, inspiration, epiphanies and random trains of though

It's rather bizarre where you can find inspiration and finally get out of that writing slump, one which I've been in for nearly 6 months!

On my way to the kitchen, plodding down the stairs in my aubergine M&S slippers (I'd wear them all day if I could plus my white robe), I had a half dressed baby in one arm, baby gros, jogging bottoms and towel covered in yellow, toxic and possibly glowing baby poo under the other.  A nappy sack with one of the most vile yellow nappy disasters known to man dangling from one of my free hands was the new accessory of the moment.

That's when it hit me! If I stock piled nappies that were quite of this ferocity then I could ship them to South Africa where they could use them, along with all the other rubbish generated, to produce an extremely potent methane gas to help generate electricity.  Shedding a load to shed the load shedding, so to speak.  That was my one and only 'wow' moment of thinking during the day so far.  Possibly the last?

Once I went through my pile of freshly washed baby clothes, I dressed my son in his cute baby gear.  He dribbled on it almost instantly.  That's what babies do to clean clothes.  My then biggest worry was what to feed him for lunch.  Could I be bothered to make something from scratch or would I take the easy route of feeding him from one of those Organic food pouches.  Someone had taken the time to create the recipe (not exactly rocket science) and put it all together and I had paid for it, so I went down the route of the pouch.

The telly then showed an advert for children in third world countries with no food, so as my son ate a few mouthfuls before deciding it was vile and by far the worst concoction known to man, instead of chucking it in the bin I ate it myself.  Waste not, want not right?  I'm actually not surprised why he didn't want to eat it to be honest, which basically set my first world problems straight as I decided that I would make instead of buy the food.  I'd done that for my daughter and she never had an issue when she was being weaned so why had I tried to invent the wheel?  I am now also compelled to give money to a charity in Africa to help fight starvation as a result of my disgusting and very apparent first world problem.

The nearly six month old dude is having his lunch time kip upstairs so instead of drivelling on, I am going to sit back, enjoy a HOT cup of coffee, fold the washing at my leisure, check up on e-mails,  make baby food and dinner for hubby, daughter and me, source a new energy company that isn't trying to rob me blind and then probably end up sorting out toys and bits that my children have grown out of and no longer need, and pass over to charity.  What ever happened to just doing nothing for two hours?  Oh yes, I had kids...

Ally x



Sunday, 29 June 2014

Competition: Guess Baby D no.2's Birth Date and Weight!

Just for a bit of fun I thought I'd do a quick competition where one lucky person can win a £10 Amazon voucher by guessing 'Baby D no.2's' arrival date correctly along with having the closest correct guess to his actual birth weight!

How to enter

Compulsory option:
  1. Leave your name and e-mail address and/or Twitter name at the bottom of this blog post along with the date when you think 'Baby D no.2' will arrive and how much you think he will weigh.
  2. Share this blog post by clicking on any of the 'Share This' buttons at the bottom of this post.
None compulsory options (but you'll be one of the first to know when I run another competition or giveaway if you do these!):
  1. Like me on Facebook.
  2. Follow me on Twitter.
The competition is open from 29 June 2014 and will run until midnight on 9 July 2014 or until when 'Baby D no.2' is born, which ever date comes first.

The person who guesses the birth date correctly and gets the closest figure to the actual birth weight, wins!  If there are two people with the exact same winning date and weight, the person(s) who has liked All-in-One Mum on either Facebook or Twitter (or both!) will win.  If both or neither of these options has been selected by the entrants, the identical names will be put into a hat and a Winner picked at random.


Happy guessing and l'm looking forward to seeing your guesses!

Ally x


TERMS AND CONDITIONS


Participants can leave only one compulsory answer entry in the comments section of the All-in-)ne Mum competition Blog post. The competition is open to UK residents only. Entrants must be over 18 to enter. The competition will commence on 29 June 2014 and will close on 9 July 2014 or when 'Baby D' is born, whichever date comes first.  The winner will be picked at random by All-in-One Mum based on a correct arrival date answer and the Winner giving providing the closest guess to the actual birth weight of 'Baby D'.   If there are two people with the exact same winning date and weight, the person(s) who has liked All-in-One Mum on either Facebook or Twitter (or both!) will win.  If both or neither of these options has been selected by the entrants, the identical names will be put into a hat and a Winner picked at random.  The winner will be notified by e-mail and/or Twitter once picked at random and announced shortly thereafter by All-in-One Mum.  An e-mail or Twitter reply is required from the winner within 72 hours of being notified of their winnings in order to claim their prize.  If no reply is received within this time frame, a new Winner will be chosen at random based on the next correct arrival date answer and closest guess to the actual birth weight of 'Baby D'. The prize is one £10 Amazon voucher from All-in-One Mum and is in no way affiliated to Amazon or any of its Partners.  Prize will be dispatched as soon as a valid postal address is provided. No cash alternatives.