When the Time is Right for You

When changing career and getting divorced in the same year, one of an absolute multitude of things can happen.  You can thrive and never look back.  You can thrive but live with a bit of regret.  You can feel utter despair and regret but at the same time feel short term happiness, like when you stick your hand into a winter coat and pull out a tenner.  

With most things in life, the combination of emotions is absolutely limitless but at every point, that is where you are in that moment. You sometimes have to accept it, plain and simple.  What happens next is totally up to you, whether you are happy with the situation you are in or if you actually need, want or have a burning desire to change your future and the environment that you are in.   

Looking back now, there are an astounding number of small events that I would alter but even then, they have made me into the person I am today.  I'm not back to the (kind and respectful) ball breaker that I used to be and I am totally aware of that.  The difference being is that instead of saying "I wish I was back to the old me" and feeling all bloody pathetic about it and not actually knowing who that actually was from a mental strength perspective, I can hand on heart actually see and hear my old inner voice.  It is truly the most bizarre feeling when you can see a version of you poking around in your head, waving at you as if to say, "Hey, you!  Hello, gorgeous!  I'm still here! Time to get your act together!  You aren't alone!".

I'm hardly about to start jumping up and down on the world's largest soap box and burning bras whilst staging the most fabulous "I'm a divorced mum of two, look at me, blah blah blah" event ever seen.  Don't get me wrong... I'm sure I'd be fabulous at it but it's just not what I'm wanting to do right now.  

What I'd relish to see is more group support that is less legal minded and actually addresses the cultural stigma of divorce and feelings of doubt, loneliness and general fear that both women and men can sometimes feel after a split.  Groups that are out in the open where people don't have to feel any shame for what they have been through and don't feel any judgement.  Private groups are absolutely amazing too, please don't get me wrong.  From my own experience, I need to be more open with my feelings and thoughts.

No two divorces or separation agreements are ever the same and I will never pretend that they are.  One thing that I have begun to notice is that there are a myriad of emotions that some people go can go through; elation, self-doubt, joy, freedom, loneliness, new found energy, feelings of regret, the desire to change, the worry that we can't.   It's not in a logical order as sometimes there can't be.  So many factors influence all of this and just as you are recommended to take out mortgage protection or life cover when you purchase a house, I think that every person should be offered support from a local network once they separate from their previous partner.  Not everyone will need it nor want it for that matter, but I think it could save so much potential future heartache and mental anguish if emotions and situations are addressed sooner rather than later and the person is given a chance to thrive in their new world.

What I'd like to hear about is your experience of separation and how you worked through or continue to grow.  Was this from your own experience as an adult or child? Do you know of any support groups and would you recommend anyone in particular.  Are you still struggling and in need of support?  Be anonymous or use your name; that is wholly your choice to make.

Strength in numbers and not keeping it all in is so incredibly important.  Remember, you are never alone and there is always support out there even when you think there isn't.  

Stay strong.

Ax